Members of my career mentoring site know that I am a big fan of The Muse. Today I saw an Inc. article they posted called “9 Habits Happy People Ditched a Long Time Ago.” Here are the habits…
- They Don’t Compare Themselves to Other People
- They Don’t Need to Succeed on Their Own
- They Don’t Ignore an Obvious Source of Fun
- They Don’t Wish for Luck
- They Aren’t Afraid of Being Afraid
- They Aren’t Afraid to Be “Immature”
- They Don’t Forget to Be Happy for Other People
- They Don’t Act Against Their Values
- They Aren’t Afraid to Be Themselves
You can read the entire article here.
All of these are good habits to break. However, there are three that I make sure that I never slip back into: comparing myself to others, being jealous of others’ success, acting against my values.
I wrote a blog post a while back in which I mentioned that every Spring when I get back on my bike, I go a little slower than I did when I put away the bike for the Winter. I get passed a lot. This used to frustrate me. Then I realized that I’m a 65-year-old guy who rides for exercise. I don’t need to be the fastest person on the bike path – nor will I ever be. So now, I compete only with myself. I work on bettering my time on my typical routes. I also focus on taking longer rides as the season progresses. I’m much happier when I focus on getting better, not on who is better than me.
Many years ago I was a finalist for a job. I knew the other candidate and thought I was better qualified and more motivated. She got the job. I wasn’t very gracious the next time I saw her. I was a jerk. I’ve learned that I am happier when I choose to be happy for another person’s success. Not when I’m jealous of others who have more than me, or who get something that I want.
Finally, my personal values are important to me. I won’t compromise them. I know that if I say one thing and do another, I’m not happy with myself. I strive for congruence in my life. I am clear on my values and act in accordance with them. I’m not perfect, I mess up every once in a while. But when I do, I always apologize or do what needs to be done to make things right.
If you do just these three things – stop comparing myself to others, avoid being jealous of others’ success, acting in accordance with your values – you’ll be happier, more productive and successful.
Your career mentor,
Bud
PS: I write this blog to help people create the life and career success they want and deserve. Now I’m going one step further. I’ve created a membership site in which I’ve pulled together my best thoughts on success. And, as a reader of this blog, you can become a member for free. Just go to https://budbilanich.com/join to claim your free membership. You’ll be joining a vibrant and growing community of success minded professionals. I hope to see you there.
I think there’s nothing wrong with aspirations – you know, you aspire to be like someone. But there’s everything wrong with expectations – you expecting to be just the same as that someone else! At the end, it’s in the human nature to put all energy in expectations and that’s why I think that we should all stop comparing ourselves to others!